Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping

My Grade:  B-

8 Mile was a film about a fictional character played by Eminem who shared a lot of similar characteristics with the real life Eminem. He wasn’t playing himself in the film, but he sort of was. Well, think of Popstar as 8 Mile for The Lonely Island.

For those of you who don’t know, The Lonely Island is a comedic music group that featured heavily on "Saturday Night Live" and features cameos from artists of varying degrees of popularity in most of their satirical songs. The group is made up of Jorma Taccone, Akiva Schaffer, and the one you’ve actually heard of:  Andy Samberg. 

The plot of the film follows Samberg’s character, Conner4Real, who becomes a big star for his work in The Style Boyz and, thus, leaves the other two “boyz” behind to start a lucrative solo career. He does take one of his bandmates (Owen) with him to be his DJ, but their other bandmate and friend (Lawrence) leaves the music business altogether because of a dispute with Conner4Real. As is to be expected in a movie like this, Conner4Real starts out on top of the world, then his second album bombs leaving him in a personal and emotional crisis. He learns the error of his ways and it’s all good at the end. Pretty standard stuff. 

What’s not standard are the laughs and solid, pointed satire of the music industry. These are things I expected from the film because of the quality of comedy The Lonely Island features in their songs. Sure, lots of jokes miss; but there are so many jokes throughout the film that many of them hit, too. It doesn’t get much funnier than Justin Timberlake’s cameos and it doesn’t get much more precise with it’s skewering of the music industry than the following:  “Nobody cares who writes it, they only care who performs it.” This is a sad but true indictment of the pop music industry. The number of artists who don’t write their own music is astounding; yet they get all the credit as an amazing artist.

While you will laugh a lot, Popstar never reaches the emotional depths that it strives for. It asks you to invest your feelings in Conner4Real even though he is a shallow, arrogant, bigoted idiot. It’s tough to really root for a character like that whose only honorable trait is his love for his sickly pet turtle. Without fully investing in his character, we can’t get too emotionally vested in the quest for reuniting these old friends who have drifted apart. The filmmakers really try to get you there, though. 

Overall, Popstar gives us exactly what we could hope for and expect from The Lonely Island:  raunchy laughs, smart satire, and lots of celebrity cameos (some much better than others). It unfortunately doesn’t offer any more than expected, though. A more likable character, layered supporting characters, and a real antagonist may have led to more emotional investment in the film making it something to remember. As it stands, it’s an easily forgettable film but is an entertaining hour and a half if you’re a fan of The Lonely Island’s music. The soundtrack is the best part.

The Witch

My Grade:  C+

Touted as the scariest movie to be released in quite a long time, the feature debut of Robert Eggers is a let down. It’s simply not that scary. This doesn’t necessarily make it a bad movie, though; and it’s not. But I do wish it was scarier.

The Witch is a New England folk tale about a religious family in the 1630s who leave their community because of differences in beliefs. Trying to make it on their own, they build a little farm just outside of some ominous woods. Before long, the farm and family become plagued by witchcraft and possession. 

It has all the makings of a solid horror flick:  dark woods, witches, creepy animals acting strangely, deep-seated religious beliefs, and little kids doing crazy things. It just never achieves the scares it’s going for. It does, however, spin an intriguing tale that slowly builds tension in a very successful way. And it has a fitting, albeit off the wall ending which will satisfy most viewers. It also suffers from some cliche and borderline silly tropes that you’d find in any witchcraft or possession movie. They’re only silly because they are over done… but silly none the less.

The true triumph of The Witch, though, is introducing the world to Anya Taylor-Joy who plays Thomasin. She’s barely 20 years old and is a force to be reckoned with. She carries the weight of this film on her young shoulders and does so with the skill and range of someone well beyond her years and experience. Without her emotional and sometimes down right insane performance, The Witch would fail.

Overall, The Witch benefits from a strong lead performance from newcomer Anya Taylor-Joy and a captivating score, but suffers from a lack of scares and reliance on played out genre tropes. Its story does build and keep tension well but is sometimes hard to watch due to the occasionally graphic violence and disturbing content. Don’t expect to be kept awake at night, but it’s worth a watch if you’re a fan of horror. 

The Hateful Eight

My Grade:  A

Quentin Tarantino is back with another western focusing on another bounty hunter. Instead of spanning multiple states this time, Tarantino sticks to mostly one location and builds the story in the way he does best:  through fantastic dialogue.

To discuss the plot of The Hateful Eight would venture too closely to spoiler territory, so I will get very basic:  a bounty hunter and his bounty take refuge from a deadly winter storm in a bar with a handful of other colorful and mysterious characters. Getting back to his non-linear style of storytelling, Tarantino crafts a thrilling caper with enough twists and turns to keep you guessing throughout its staggering three hours and seven minute run time. It does drag a bit at the beginning and has a surprising lack of violence (compared to Taratino’s usually bloody affairs)… until it makes up for that lack in a big way. 

The Hateful Eight brings together a who’s who of Tarantino classics including Samuel L. Jackson, Walton Goggins, Tim Roth, Michael Madsen, Bruce Dern, and Kurt Russell. But it’s the newcomer Jennifer Jason Leigh that steals the show from these heavy hitters (and she earned an Oscar nomination for it). This kind of claustrophobic film requires a stellar cast with compelling dialogue to succeed. And that’s exactly what it does.

Most notably, Jackson delivers one of the more memorable (and rather despicable) monologues in the history of Tarantino films. He captivates his on screen audience as well as the viewer while proving why he is one of the all-time greats. One character doesn’t outshine the rest, though, in this well-acted ensemble piece. It’s not without its flaws, though. The biggest flaw in this film is the seemingly random voiceover that pops up in awkward spots. It doesn’t add much to the story and is, quite frankly, a bit cheesy. That’s a small blemish, though, in an otherwise solid film.

Overall, The Hateful Eight provides exactly what we’ve come to expect from a Tarantino flick:  non-linear plot, chapter-style storytelling, cartoonish violence, unique characters, and outstanding dialogue. It’s one of his best since Pulp Fiction.

About those bathroom laws...

Bathrooms. They are places where we relieve ourselves of bodily waste. They are places we (hopefully) wash our hands and/or freshen up. They are places we go to change a baby’s diaper. Now, they are places that spark major political controversy. Never did I think that bathrooms would be the focus of politics. Does that mean our country is in the toilet (pun most definitely intended)? Probably.

If you don’t know about these infamous “bathroom laws” in North Carolina, then you must not have logged on to any social media or news outlet in a long time. Which means you probably wouldn’t be reading this, so I’ll assume you know of the law that requires men to use men’s restrooms and women to use women’s restrooms. You have also probably heard the word “discriminatory” used in reference to these laws. Here are some thoughts for you to consider…

1. The law IS discriminatory. All laws are discriminatory. The definition of discriminate is to "recognize a distinction; differentiate.” Laws against murder are discriminatory. They recognize a distinction between someone who kills people and someone who doesn’t. Laws against using and selling heroin differentiate between people who use or sell heroin and those who don’t. Laws that prohibit someone under the age of 21 from purchasing alcohol discriminates based on age. So those liberals complaining about how the bathroom laws discriminate against “transgender” people are in fact using the word “discriminate” correctly. What they mean by it, though, is something entirely different. They use it as a negative term implying that it’s unfair or that it violates someone’s basic human rights.
2. If a man has the right to use a women’s restroom or locker room because he “identifies as a woman” or a woman has the right to use the men’s restroom because she “identifies as a man” (which is the version no one talks about for some reason), then other discriminatory laws should be done away with as well. If I am under 18 then I should be able to buy cigarettes as long as I identify as a 19 year old. If I run a red light, I shouldn’t get a ticket if I identify as an emergency worker on the way to some tragedy. If I’m a pedophile, I shouldn’t have to register as a sex offender as long as I identify as someone who hasn’t sexually violated a child.
3. There are certain things about yourself that you can choose and/or change. You can change your hair style, your job, whom you date, how you dress, your opinions and beliefs, and many other things. There are also certain things you cannot change no matter how much you wish you could. You can’t change your age; it changes on its own. You can’t change your race even though you can change your skin color. And can’t change your gender. You can change your preference of sexual partners but you cannot change your gender. “Transgender" people like to say “I’m not defined by my genitals!” They are right. You aren’t defined by your genitals in the same way as you’re not defined by your race, faith, job, or any other singular aspect of yourself. However, something IS defined by your genitals:  your gender. You don’t get to pick that because God picked it for you. Anyone who thinks they know better than God does is dead wrong.

If I, as a man, want to go into a women’s restroom or women’s locker room, then I am free to do that. I can choose to do that just like I can choose to snort cocaine or shoplift. I just need to be ready to deal with the legal consequences. Laws obviously don’t keep crime from happening, but they serve as a deterrent. Laws like North Carolina’s bathroom law won’t keep perverts out of restrooms where our women and children are a little more vulnerable; but, it will at least lower the chances by hopefully discouraging potential criminals. The sad part is that there actually has to be a law to say that men use men’s rooms and women use women’s rooms. It’s a shocking look at the moral decline of our country; a decline which is led by liberals and their twisted version of “human rights.”

At the end of the day, it’s about a delusional woman thinking she's a man so she WANTS to use the men’s restroom. Or a man WANTING to use the woman’s restroom because he doesn’t think his penis makes him a male. It’s all about WANTS. What about what I want? Call me old-fashioned, but I WANT my wife and daughter to be able to go to the bathroom or change their clothes in a locker room without having to worry about a man being in there. I don’t care if he’s completely harmless or a violent rapist… I don’t want him in there because he doesn’t belong in there. I also don’t want a woman in my bathroom or my locker room. But I’m more concerned about my wife and daughter. The difference between my wants and a “transgendered” person’s wants are that mine are based in reality. Unfortunately, what’s becoming “reality” these days is when a state has to actually make a law to require a man to use a men’s bathroom and vice versa. I thought that was common sense. But I guess common sense isn’t a thing in this country anymore.

That's all for now...

Deadpool

My Grade:  A

If you thought the marketing campaign for The Force Awakens was good, Deadpool’s was even better. I could write an entire review about Deadpool’s marketing campaign, but I won’t because the marketing campaign isn’t coming out on blu-ray May 10, the movie is. So before that blu-ray breaks the fourth wall of your home theater system, take a moment to read my thoughts on the highest grossing rated R film of all time.

Deadpool is a comic book character that is known as sarcastic, crude, immature… basically Ryan Reynolds in a skin tight suit with super healing powers. So, it’s a good thing they cast Mr. Reynolds in the lead role. He embodies this anti-hero better than anyone has embodied their comic book role ever (including Robert Downey Jr. as Iron Man which is a pretty close second). The fact that Reynolds is a perfect fit for the character is a mixed bag because some people find his brand of humor annoying. Judging by the box office receipts, the majority of people don’t. I’m one of those that find him to be very funny. And, thus I find this movie to be very funny. Between Deadpool’s knack for addressing the audience and his interplay with the surprisingly hilarious supporting cast, you will do a lot of laughing. The best comedic moments are when the movie makes fun of itself and/or superhero movies in general. It’s actually quite surprising that a company like Marvel (who takes themselves so seriously) would make a movie that makes fun of themselves. I’m glad they did, though.

It’s not all laughs, though. Deadpool features some of the best action set pieces you’ll find. The choreography is stunning and the special effects are stellar. That should be no surprise, though, because of Tim Miller. Before directing Deadpool, he was best known for his visual effects work. This was his feature directorial debut and it has become the highest grossing R-rated film in the history of cinema. If they gave out Rookie of the Year awards, he’d certainly be nominated.

Deadpool isn’t without its flaws, though. Apart from Deadpool himself, the other characters are pretty flat. His love interest Vanessa (Morena Baccarin) claims she’s “played a lot of roles but damsel in distress ain’t of of them.” Unfortunately, if she hadn’t before, she has now. While her romance with Wade Wilson (Deadpool) has its funny moments (the rather memorably raunchy montage), it never really hits enough sweet notes for us to really buy it as the impetus for Wilson’s entire journey. Then there’s the baddie, Ajax (a career making turn from the little known Ed Skrein). We know he’s a bad guy, he has super human strength, and he can fight. Beyond that, he doesn’t have much to offer other than some really twisted torture tactics.

Other supporting characters like Wilson’s friend "The Weasel,” his roommate “Blind Al”, and two lesser known X-Men (Negasonic Teenage Warhead and Colossus) all come in and out of Deadpool’s story to serve their purpose but never really get any development beyond how they relate to Deadpool. It would have been nice to see them fleshed out a little more. Because of the huge business this movie did at the box office, though, this will be a franchise allowing plenty of time to learn more about them.

Overall, Deadpool is simply a good time. if you can handle the intense violence, bad language, and raunchy jokes, you’ll enjoy this breath of fresh air that the superhero genre needed. 

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

My Grade:  C+

I’m not the biggest fan of superheroes or superhero movies. However, I do like Batman. He doesn’t have magic powers, he isn’t an alien or a norse god… he’s just a man. A rich man, but a man none the less. Superman is the exact opposite. He’s an all powerful alien with pretty much every super power and only has one weakness:  a space rock. That’s just not interesting to me as a character. So it’s safe to say I saw this flick because of Batman. It’s like watching a baseball game because you’re a fan of one of the teams. Using the sports analogy, pitting Batman against Superman - arguably the two most iconic superheroes of all time - is like the Superbowl for comic book fans. I was, am, and always will be Team Batman.

The plot of the flick is more than a little convoluted. There is way too much going on even for the somewhat bloated run-time. But that plot isn’t what sold tickets, though; it’s the promise of a fight between Batman and Superman. So talking about the story beats of Lex Luther trying to get a big chunk of Kryptonite, Batman trying to get it from him, Wonderwoman skulking around Lexcorp, the weird dream sequences, and the awkward relationship between Superman and Lois Lane isn’t necessary. It’s not necessary because the fight is awesome. 

Once it happens, nothing else matters. It’s worth the price of admission just to see the titular fight. You might think it’s a bit of a stretch that a plain old rich dude with some cool gadgets could even come close to hanging in there when battling an all powerful alien with only one weakness. Surprisingly, they make it believable, though. I won’t ruin it and tell you who wins, but I do have to talk about how the fight actually ends. It’s downright silly. If you’ve seen it, you know what I’m talking about. If you haven’t seen it and you do see it, you’ll be scratching your head like I was when the fight abruptly ends over something so trivial and dumb… its borderline infuriating to end this epic, amazing fight in this silly way.

The best parts of this flick are some of the more controversial aspects. I’ll go ahead and say it:  Ben Affleck is a very good Bruce Wayne and maybe an even better Batman. I didn’t jump on the anti-Affleck bandwagon like most did when that casting announcement was originally made. I thought he was a great choice and I was right. Also, I enjoyed Jesse Eisenberg’s Lex Luther. Many people found him annoying and accused him of overacting but I thought he was great. Everything from the nervous ticks to the visible struggle to restrain the insanity were played very well. Then, of course, there is Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman. Everyone agrees she is great, there just wasn’t enough of her. 

Overall, the plot is too busy and there are some major leaps in logic and some downright ridiculous aspects. Also, the big battle with Doomsday was kind of anti-climactic. I’ve also never been a fan of CGI monsters. But it revealed a great Batman, set up a promising Wonder Woman for her solo outing, and the tone was more appealing to me than the squeaky clean Marvel movies. So it’s worth a watch if you’re a fan of the genre but it’s not a great start to the DC Extended Universe. 

Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens

My Grade:  A+

If you’re going to see Star Wars VII:  The Force Awakens, you already have. And if you don’t care to see it, me writing a review isn’t going to make you want to because there are hundreds of positive reviews out there. If those haven’t convinced you, then what makes me think I can? So, I’m not going to write a review of The Force Awakens, I’m going to write a review of my experience with The Force Awakens. 

I have been a Star Wars fan for a long time. I have seen the original trilogy too many times to count. I used to own and play Star Wars Trivial Pursuit (and I usually won). I used to play the underrated and, now, discontinued Star Wars Customizable Card Game (the cards are still in my attic). I have Star Wars shirts that don’t quite fit me but I still wear them. I wore Darth Vader socks to a close friend’s wedding (sorry Rachel). I did, however, marry a woman who had never seen any Star Wars movies EVER! In regards to that, I jokingly (sort of) told her that we couldn’t get married until she had seen the original trilogy. She sat through episodes IV and V in one sitting which is quite commendable, but she still hasn't seen Episode VI (or VII obviously). That’ll happen, though, don’t worry.

That is a brief glimpse at my history with this franchise that has not only shaped the art of film in general, but it has also shaped the entirety of pop culture. So, yes, I was pretty darn excited when Disney bought Lucasfilm and announced they were set to continue the story. Even if the new films were as bad as the prequels, at least there would be more to the story. And, to make matters even better, there would be anthology films each year in between the episodic installments? This fanboy couldn’t be happier about that (especially the Han Solo spinoff).

Anyway, back to my The Force Awakens experience. I can’t remember how many times I watched that first trailer. And, obviously, I applauded when Han and Chewbacca showed up at the end. Yes, I was alone in my house with nobody but the dog to hear my cheers; but I cheered anyway (you did, too… just admit it). Then that first full trailer dropped and broke the internet. I think I read that it was the fastest video ever to hit 1 million views. I contributed at least 25 of those million.

With each piece of news that came out, I got more and more excited. And, fortunately, they were largely spoiler free. That might be the most impressive thing about this movie:  the marketing campaign. They could have shown videos of grass growing then play a snippet of that iconic John Williams score and plaster a release date on the screen and people would still line up for days. But they didn’t. They gave everyone just enough to build the excitement to beyond a fever pitch but they never even showed one shred of the actual story so everyone got to go into the theater fresh.

Tickets went on sale that first day and I snapped mine up. I had my ticket for a 9:40pm showing on Thursday, December 17. Meanwhile, my wife and I were expecting our first child with a due date of December 31. I’m not sure how much you know about due dates and pregnancy, but it was feasible that our baby girl could be born on or before December 17, thus making the ticket I pre-ordered a mere tease. Obviously the birth of my first child was vastly more important that “some stupid movie” (as it was called by my wife once or twice… she was kidding, I think) but I am certainly glad that our baby girl hadn't shown up before that Thursday. Closer to the due date would be better anyway, right?

Finally, it was Thursday. I had to work that day and it was the slowest day ever. All I could think about was the next chapter in this story with which I grew up. Work ended, I grabbed some food, then met up with my friends to wait in line. If you know anything about opening night movie events, you have to get there early unless you want to get stuck in the front row and risk neck trauma while trying to enjoy the film.

As the minutes ticked away, we finally got seats and the lights dimmed. Trailer after trailer prolonged the time before I got to witness the rebirth of the greatest franchise in film history. Finally, it was time. That iconic score blasted and the opening crawl burst onto the screen to uproarious applause from the crowded theater. The next two hours and sixteen minutes flew by. It was a glorious mix of nostalgia, fan service, classic storytelling, epic action, strong acting, and a mix of new faces that blended perfectly with the classic old faces we know and love. Not only is it the movie that we wanted as fans, but it’s just a good movie. Sure it shares a lot of close similarities with Episode IV but that is one of the greatest examples of classic storytelling in the history of cinema; so, if you’re going to borrow, borrow from the best, right? And there was enough new to set itself apart from its predecessors. 

Once the film ended, I was equal parts excited for what is to come next and angry that they left us on such a cliff hanger (literally). It’s like when you watch your favorite show every week and this week’s episode ends on a shocking reveal that will have game-changing implications… then the closing credits roll. You have to wait a whole week to see what happens next. Well, in this case, you have to wait two whole years! What makes it even worse is that Episode VIII is being directed by one of my favorite directors in the business, Rian Johnson (Brick, Looper). But until then, I’ll just re-watch The Force Awakens on blu-ray (which I ordered the day it came out) a handful of times. Also, I guess the first anthology film, Rouge One, will tide me over.