G.I. Joe: Retaliation

My Grade:  C

From the writers of Zombieland and the director of such dance epics (sarcasm intended) as Step Up 2: The Streets and Step Up 3D comes G.I. Joe:  Retaliation, the recent sequel to Rise Of Cobra (2009) which garnered a stunning 34% from the critics on RottenTomatoes. I do love Zombieland, but I’m still not surprised that Retaliation is not very good. It does, however, offer some strong surface thrills but is ultimately a forgettable film.

This second installment (they clearly plan a third) adds Dwayne Johnson to the mix and features a surprise performance from the incomparable action hero Bruce Willis. Why Bruce Willis would do this film is beyond me, but he does have a great role... and he probably got paid millions of dollars for a week or so of work. I’d do it too, I guess. But, apart from Bruce Willis and a few good moments from Ray Stevenson as Firefly, the acting is terrible.

Fortunately, I did not decide to go see this film for Oscar-worthy acting performances. I also didn’t see it so I could be on the edge of my seat waiting to see what happens next... because I already knew the “twists and turns” before they happened (except for the thing near the beginning where you think it’s Snake Eyes, but it’s really Storm Shadow which isn’t as powerful as I think it is supposed to be).

The reason I went to see this film is because I wanted to put my brain on hold and bask in some stunning action sequences. I got what I wanted. Shootouts abound, sword fights are common, tanks are involved, I couldn’t count all the explosions (I guess I could’ve if I’d tried, but I didn’t care enough) and Dwayne Johnson fires a turret-style minigun with his bare hands... twice. There is even a scene where Firefly rides his motorcycle at a prison, dismounts and lands gracefully (thanks to his parachute) as his motorcycle continues toward a prison. Then the actual motorcycle breaks into pieces that slam into the prison and explode. It is awesome! Also, I wasn’t sure if Retaliation could include a scene that tops the chase scene through the streets of Paris from Rise Of Cobra, but it does. There is a sword fight on the SIDE OF A MOUNTAIN. It’s completely ridiculous, but so much fun.

Overall, G.I. Joe:  Retaliation is a poorly acted, poorly written, very predictable actioner with little to offer except for surface thrills that may be able to convince some audience members that this is a good movie... it’s not. But it’s also not a total waste of time and money if you need to put your brain on hold for 110 minutes (which is too long for this film). Wait for it on blu-ray... but don’t do DVD, this one is worth doing blu-ray.